I have been pretty quiet here for the past month or so (except for the BIG announcement I made on Monday!) and that quietness is due to a handful of reasons that include a lot of work, a lot of busyness, and a lot of insecurities.
I am afraid if you see the mess you may give up on me.
And for the past few months that is exactly how I would have described my life, one very big, beautiful mess.
In Whitney English‘s weekly newsletter she wrote on why it is so hard to write about the ‘behind-the-scenes’:
“What if I change my mind? I often feel that while the world loves the finished products a creative entrepreneur dreams up, the world is also not very forgiving of the process to get to the finished product. In other words, most of the world seems to think and work in straight lines. I tend to think and work in giant loop-de-loos, and I tend to change my mind a lot. I fear that this represents inconsistency, which is the worst thing you want a brand to illustrate.”
So true.
I absolutely fear that if you see my doubts, my questions, my fickleness, you will see only inconsistency.
But the reality is that true transparency always wins. If I am honest about the struggles of owning a creative business while being a wife and a mama then I am being faithful to show you the entire truth.
So, for me, these past couple of months have been rather difficult. I have pushed myself to really define what it is that I want to do and tried to figure out if those ideas and goals fit within our life… because if I am being honest, this is not about just me, my decisions affect at least 4 other lives. Lives that are far more important than my own dreams and desires. And I am not willing to sacrifice those precious lives in order for me to have a certain type of success.
God has been gracious in my pleading with Him as I have really struggled and prayed and sought His direction.
I have a beautiful peace for where He has me right now. There were no major changes within my business structure or planning or even dreaming. Only a resolve to finally do business my way, rather, God’s way, the way it fits and blesses my family. A resolve to stop trying to model those around me. We can learn so much from those who have gone before us, but at the end of the day we must do what works best for us, in our season of life, with the gifts and abilities that God has given us.
I hope my transparency has encouraged you today to not feel like you have to have all the decisions perfectly made all the time and your 10 year plan perfectly laid out. Feel the freedom in the ‘giant loop-de-loos.’ God is teaching you something wonderful in those circles.
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